To Mothers Considering Adoption (Continued)…
About half way through my pregnancy, I went to the OBGYN for a check up on her. I tracked my pregnancy with the internet to make sure everything was going normal, and went to the hospital when I was having contractions about 3 minutes apart.
I chose CFS because they were a Christian adoption agency, and I had always grown up in church so it was important for me that those morals and beliefs be instilled in her also.
Mr. Jerry stood by my bedside when I had no one else to lean on for support.
He also allowed me to tell him what I wanted her adoptive family to be like and what was important for Anna Beth. I told him and he found the perfect family for her. I was able to meet them and hold her. They even gave me a scrapbook of their family and as they send me pictures and letters, I add them to the scrapbook.
It was an amazing process and I am more than happy with my decision. However, it is not all glamorous. I was so petrified during my pregnancy and had no one to lean on. Not my family, friends or even a stranger.
I would definitely recommend you talk to the agency during your pregnancy, so that at least you have someone to give you guidance and advice.
They are not judgmental at all: they are truly Christians, some of the first I have seen in a long time.
I struggled with my decision for a long time. I had moments when I would just sit on the floor by my closet and cry for hours upon hours. I also had moments when I was extremely happy with my decision and knew it was the right one, not for me, but for her. She would now have the opportunities she deserved.
During the moments when I was at my breaking point, I would just wonder why and how could this happen to me…I had only messed up one time and I had friends who did this [sex] all the time. Things just did not make sense to me.
One amazing thing about God is that He is patient and does not get angry with you. I would get this feeling of security when I did this, like someone was holding me in their arms. I know beyond a doubt that feeling was God strengthening me. Without Him and my teddy bear, there is no way I could have made it. I would probably be in a manically depressed mental state. Just trust in Him. Ask Him what you should do. He knows what is best. If you aren’t sure what He is telling you, give it time, God does things on His time line, not ours.
Whatever your reasons for not thinking you can care for the baby like he or she deserves – whether it be financial, family situation, etc. – just trust in God and talk to Christian Family Services.
The people at CFS are amazing. They were a gift from God for me.
I am not saying my entire pregnancy was horrible. I had moments when I would look down and just praise God for the miracle inside of me. The point is, it was an emotional rollercoaster, but I knew what I had to do.
I had to look out for her best interests, not my selfish wants.
After the pregnancy, things are still hard. I still have times when I just cry out of nowhere. See, I know what I did was the right decision and I have not regretted my decision at all, but I do wonder about her often and pray for that whole family. It is just something to work through. Some advice, life is always bittersweet. You have to take the good with the bad and be grateful for your situation, no matter what is. It could be worse, and God has a plan for you and your baby.
May God bless you, your decision and your baby.
-A Mom Who Has Been There, CFS Birth Mom
One thing A Mom Who Has Been There doesn’t mention, is that after your pregnancy and the adoption, CFS will still be there for you. A case worker will still meet with you during the grieving process, as long as you need. As a CFS birth mom, you will have life-long access to a CFS case worker.