This is a story about adoption after miscarriage. And trusting God’s timing.
At times we all feel like blaming God or being mad at Him, but I hope you stick to your belief and faith in Him that He knows best; He knows what will happen and where your life will go. He ultimately has created you, directing and helping you; if you let Him, He’ll be your guide.
I had my first miscarriage in 2008 at 11 1/2 weeks. I was devastated and didn’t understand why it happened at all. Our estimated due date was April 1, 2009.
Trying to pick ourselves up and to continue our journey to having children, we were able to get on the adoption list with Christian Family Services in January of 2009. Not completely understanding the adoption process and still grieving, we’d called CFS several times hoping that a baby would be ours soon. We petitioned God through our wants but He knows our needs.
At the end of March 2009, I was getting ready to go on vacation to my parent’s house in another state. I had this overwhelming urge to clean the whole house and organize every drawer, closet, cabinet & shelf. The night before I left, I had another overwhelming urge to pack everything I had for a baby into a bag and left it inside what would be a baby’s room. I told myself “just in case the adoption agency was to call.” But didn’t think anything of those things for almost a week until…
My OBGYN had been through all the traumatic times of the miscarriages and aftermath with us over the past year. On April 1, I got a call from my OBGYN. She asked me if I had my baby. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. She said she had this “overwhelming urge” to call me; she felt like I had my baby. I was nice but it upset me…No, I didn’t have a baby. Everything and everyone reminded me constantly that I didn’t have a child to love. She apologized and said she was a God-fearing woman and she knew I was too. She felt the Holy Spirit working in her and really did feel that we’d gotten a baby.
The next morning, we got a call from the adoption agency telling us they had a little boy for us. He was born April 1, 2009 (around 7 hours after my OBGYN called me!). Obviously I called my OBGYN immediately to tell her. Our son was born on my due date of the first child that we lost!
That “overwhelming urge” was the Holy Spirit. I nested and was preparing for our son even though he wasn’t born yet. The Holy Spirit was working in my doctor to help prepare me for what was coming in the next few hours and days.
It’s amazing how God and His Spirit works in our lives even when we have no idea that He is! As I would have never wanted to lose my first baby, if I hadn’t, we never would have gotten our son. Not only did our son need us, we needed him just as much. God knows what’s going to happen, even when we can’t see clearly.