To mothers considering adoption,
I am a mother who actually went through the adoption process in order to give my beautiful baby girl the chance at the life she deserved. Adoption is not right for all mothers and in the end you really have to search your own feelings and pray for God’s guidance. Place it in his hands and you will know what is right for you. While what I did was a mistake, nothing will ever make me believe Sarah Grace was a mistake. She is a princess sent to me from God. Knowing that I also knew I could never give her the life she deserved. I am a young adult trying to go to college and don’t have the finances to take care of her. Also, many adoptive families are more than happy to let you be a part of the child’s life. I could not ask for a better family for Sarah Grace than the one she is with now. While they do live in a different state, they send me pictures and letters letting me know everything she is going through. I write her and the family, it is really a neat situation.
As a soon to be mother, I know you are going through a plethora of emotions. (At least I was.) I am not going to tell you I know what you are going through because, truth be told, everyone handles things differently. I can tell you my feelings and thoughts about my choices during my pregnancy and how much Christian Family Services helped me.
This is my story:
I am nineteen years old and now a sophomore in college. I was with my boyfriend for years, (Since freshmen year of high school). Finally when I moved to Gainesville to go off to college we decided to take our relationship to the next level. I thought it would be okay, we were talking about getting married and about having children together. Well, the life I had envisioned for years came to a screeching halt when right after we did that he began to abuse me physically and emotionally. He would hit me so hard I would fly across the room and call me a fat cow and say
I would never make it through med school because I could never be that intelligent. Med school had been a dream of mine since I can remember. So, that just killed me. Knowing everything my mom went through in a previous marriage (before me) I knew I could not go through the same thing. So, I left him and half a month later I found out I was pregnant!
At first, I was so terrified; I had no idea of what to do. Then, I prayed and cleared my mind. I knew I could never abort the child even though I had plenty of time to do that. She deserved a chance at life more than I did. I also knew my family was going through so much with my grandparents that I could not tell them. So, I knew (with God’s guidance) that adoption was the best option for her, my family, and me. I also knew her father could never find out about her, he would hurt her like he did me.
About halfway through my pregnancy, I went to the GYN/OB for a check up on her. I tracked my pregnancy with the Internet to make sure everything I was going through was normal, and went to the hospital when I was having contractions about 3 minutes apart. I chose CFS because they were a Christian adoption agency, and I had always grown up in church so it was important for me that those morals and beliefs be instilled in her also. Mr. Jerry stood by my bedside when I had no one else to lean on for support. He also allowed me to tell him what I wanted her adoption family to be like and what was important to me for Sarah Grace. I told him and he found the perfect family for her. I was able to meet them and hold her. They even gave me a scrapbook of their family and as they send me pictures and letters, I add them to the scrapbook.
It was an amazing process and I am more than happy with my decision. However, it is not all glamorous. I was so petrified during my pregnancy and had no one to lean on. Not my family, friends, or even a stranger. I would definitely recommend you talk to the agency during your pregnancy, so that at least you have someone to give you guidance and advice. They are not judgmental at all; they are truly Christians, some of the first I have seen in a long time.
I struggled with my decision for a long time. I had moments when I would just sit on the floor by my closet and cry for hours upon hours. I also had moments when I was extremely happy with my decision and knew it was the right one, not for me, but for her. She would now have the opportunities she deserved. During the moments when I was at my breaking point, I would just look up to the heavens and just start talking. Sometimes I would blame God; others I would ask why and how could this happen to me… I had only messed up one time and I had friends who did this all the time. Things just did not make sense to me.
One amazing thing about God is that he is patient and does not get angry with you. I would get this feeling of security when I did this, like someone was holding me in their arms. I know beyond a doubt that feeling was God strengthening me. Without him and my teddy bear there is no way I could have made it. I would probably be in a manically depressed mental state. Just trust in him. Ask him what you should do. He knows what is best. If you aren’t sure what he is telling you, give it time, God does things on his time line, not ours.
Whatever your reasons for not thinking you can care for the baby, like he or she deserves; rather it be financial, family situations, etc. Just trust in God and talk to the adoption agency. The people at CFS are amazing. They were a gift from God for me. I am not saying the my entire pregnancy was horrible, I had moments when I would look down and just praise God for the miracle inside of me. The point is, it was an emotional roller coaster, but I knew what I had to do. I had to look out for her best interests, not my selfish wants.
After the pregnancy, things are still hard. I still have times when I just cry out of nowhere. See, I know what I did was the right decision and I have not regretted my decision at all, but I do wonder about her often and pray for that whole family. It is just something to work through. Some advice, life is always bittersweet. You have to take the good with the bad and be grateful for your situation, no matter what it is, it could be worse and God has a plan for you and your baby.
May God bless you, your decision, and your baby!
– A mom who has been there!
Here is verse that holds strong meaning to me and helped me through a lot of hard times:
“I know the plans I have for you…plans to bring about the future you hope for.”