An unplanned pregnancy can be a difficult and stressful time for a woman. You have tons of decisions to be made. On top of that, your hormones are all over, making your emotions run high. Since every woman is different, you may not go through the same experiences as most other women do, or you may experience one or more of these common emotions.
No matter, you do not have to be alone with these emotions! Caseworkers at Christian Family Services hope to give you helpful ways to process your emotions so they do not over whelm you. Read on and consider how you can work through your emotions.
Women with unplanned pregnancies can feel a lot of anger in your situation. You may be angry at yourself for getting into this situation. You may be angry at the man who got you pregnant but will not take responsibility for the situation. We all have made mistakes in our lives! It is pretty easy to beat ourselves up. Often, this anger is also defense mechanism used to mask other challenging emotional effects of “giving a child up” for adoption.
The way to deal with this anger is to realize you can only control today. The mistakes of yesterday are out of your control. It is also helpful to focus on the future and the positive steps you can take. It’s also important to let go of this anger as much as you can and focus on the positive choices you are making for yourself and your baby.
Christian Family Services’ caseworkers are here for you 24/7. We want to help you through the anger and answer all of your questions. We make sure to listen to you and that your choices are respected.
While adoption is one of the bravest, most selfless and most loving sacrifices a woman can make, it’s not uncommon that mothers feel guilty “giving up a baby” for adoption. Unfortunately, there is still some negative connotation for women who choose adoption. Especially when you or your family think of adoption in terms of “giving up my baby” or “giving away my baby.” Shame can also show up with guilt. The thought of everyone judging you for being pregnant can make you feel shameful and judged.
It is important to know that adoption is not “giving away my baby” it is “giving life” to my child. Once you start using more positive phrasing when talking about the adoption some of the guilt will disappear. Guilt is an emotion that may lessen when you find a family for your child. It will lessen when you discover the decision you are making is one for which you should admire yourself. You should admire yourself for the incredible sacrifice you are making for your child. A sacrifice that is the greatest act of love you could ever give to another person.
Our child’s birth mother “gifted” us with her baby. I can’t imagine the depth of love she had for her baby to place her with us. Birth mothers deserve our love and respect!
Sadness and grief is one of the most common feelings that mothers feel while they are going through the adoption process. It is a true since of loss that you feel when you are making plans to “give up my baby for adoption.”
Like with guilt, it is best to start with more positive adoption language. It is life and love you are giving to your child. As stated many times before it helps to get to know the adoptive family that you have selected for your child. The sadness may be around for a long time but it can lessen and it is best to find an agency that provides extra support after the adoption.
Christian Family Services ministers and counsels women during and after their pregnancies, providing the emotional support they need. We have past Birth Mothers reach out to us to discuss their feelings. Donors make it possible for CFS to continue to minister to women after they place their baby for adoption.
Not every emotion is going to be negative! Many birth mothers find adoption to be a very rewarding experience. That final reward may involve jumping over a lot of emotional hurdles to get there, but it is helpful to keep your reasons for doing this at the forefront of your mind. Some mothers realize that their situation or environment is not good to raise a child in. It brings many mothers peace and fulfillment when they can give their baby to a family that can truly love and provide for them the way that they deserve.
Hopefully this blog was able to provide some insight on the emotions of adoption for an unplanned pregnancy. We understand that each woman and her circumstances are different, and the emotions that she feels varies, but we hope that this blog can provide helpful tips to navigate the emotions you are feeling. Emotions are not bad as long as you do not allow them to overwhelm and hold you down.
If you missed part one where we discussed fear and denial, please feel free to go back and read our previous blog.
We are ready to answer your call or text to discuss judgment free options with you, and hear your concerns, fears, guilt, and anger about your situation. Consider your options for your unplanned pregnancy. Call or text 24/7 to speak to a caseworker.
UNDERSTANDING POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE: Blog posts of Christian Family Services are written using words people search for if they are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. To reach women and provide options to them, we use language our SEO agency suggests, not the positive adoption language we prefer to use! We consider women making an adoption plan as wanting to place her child with an adoptive family, but many times she first uses words like “give my baby up” for adoption.