This is my story:
I am 19 years old and now a sophomore in college. I was with my boyfriend for years, (Since freshman year of high school). When I moved to Gainesville to go off to college, we decided to take our relationship to the next level. I thought it would be okay, we were talking about getting married and about having children together.
Well, the life I had envisioned for years came to a screeching halt when right after we did that he began to abuse me physically and emotionally. He would hit me so hard I would fly across the room and call me a fat cow and say I would never make it through med school because I could never be that intelligent.Med school had been a dream of mine since I can remember. So, that just killed me.Knowing everything my mom went through in a previous marriage (before me) I knew I could not go through the same thing. So, I left him and half a month later I found out I was pregnant!
At first, I was so terrified; I had no idea of what to do.
Then, I prayed and cleared my mind. I knew I could never abort the child even though I had plenty of time to do that. She deserved a chance at life more than I did. I also knew my family was going through so much with my grandparents that I could not tell them.
So, I knew (with God’s guidance) that adoption was the best option for her, my family, and me. I also knew the father could never find out about her, he would hurt her like he did me.
About half way through my pregnancy, I went to the OBGYN for a check up on her. I tracked my pregnancy with the Internet to make sure everything was going normal, and went to the hospital when I was having contractions about 3 minutes apart. I chose CFS because they were a Christian adoption agency, and I had always grown up in church so it was important for me that those morals and beliefs be instilled in her also.
Mr. Jerry (CFS Counselor) stood by my bedside when I had no one else to lean on for support. He also allowed me to tell him what I wanted her adoption family to be like and what was important for Anna Beth. I told him and he found the perfect family for her. I was able to meet them and hold her. They even gave me a scrapbook of their family and as they send me pictures and letters, I add them to the scrapbook.
After the pregnancy, things are still hard.
I still have times when I just cry out of nowhere. See, I know what I did was the right decision and I have not regretted my decision at all, but I do wonder about her often and pray for that whole family.
It is just something to work through. Some advice, life is always bittersweet. You have to take the good with the bad and be grateful for your situation, no matter what it is, it could be worse and God has a plan for you and your baby.
I am not saying my entire pregnancy was horrible, I had moments when I would look down and just praise God for the miracle inside of me. The point is, it was an emotional rollercoaster, but I knew what I had to do. I had to look out for her best interests, not my selfish wants.
May God bless you, your decision, and your baby,
–A mom who has been there!
Here is a verse that holds strong meaning to me and helped me through a lot of hard times:
I know the plans I have for you…plans to bring about the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
This is the first of a two part blog from a Birth Mother’s letter to Christian Family Services.