Most people don’t realize how truly difficult and heart breaking it is for a mom to choose adoption for her baby. She might get a “that was so good of her to give her baby to a family that could raise him,” or “I’m glad she didn’t abort her!” But that’s it. The attention, focus and kindness isn’t directed towards her. It’s all for the adoptive family. It’s all for the baby being raised in a two-parent, Christian home. Yet, without the birth mom, there would be no adoption to begin with. The birth mom becomes an afterthought, an assumption of “she didn’t want her baby, it was an unplanned pregnancy anyway. She’s fine living her life now.”
My prayer is that Deana’s* story changes that for you.
Deana and her boyfriend had been together quite a while. They had a daughter that family were raising, due in large part to financial strains. Deana had a steady job, but not couldn’t save enough money for first/last month’s rent plus security deposit, so they were living in a hotel. She still had custody of her daughter, but this wasn’t the environment or life she wanted for her. When she found out she was pregnant again, she went to her mom. Unfortunately, their family were unable to help. Deana kept searching, asking, praying and hoping someone in their life could help. Finally, when she was 38 weeks pregnant and scheduled for a C-Section the following week, Deana called Christian Family Services to learn about adoption.
CFS Caseworkers Jasmine and Kim met with Deana and her boyfriend the following day. It was evident he didn’t want to do this. He only stayed inside for part of the meeting before going back to their car, putting the full weight of this decision on Deana. Deana didn’t want to choose adoption either, but knew they weren’t in a place to raise another baby. They had no family or friends willing to help, and Deana refused to bring a baby back to their hotel. He wasn’t working, and Deana would have to miss 6 weeks of work after her C-Section. There was a chance they’d end up homeless, and she didn’t wan that for her baby. So, after talking for several hours and filling out some basic family medical information, Jasmine showed her several adoptive family profile books, and she found the perfect family.
The Adoptive Family was called the following day. They were ecstatic and started making plans to travel to be at the hospital with Deana. Everyone got to meet in the hospital, and the adoptive family even got to meet Deana’s mom. The most special moment though, was that the adoptive mom was able to be with Deana during the C-Section. The Adoptive Family was able to have a room in the hospital, and baby girl went back and forth between them and Deana.
Then, the day of discharge and the day Deana was supposed to do paperwork, a family member offered to help Deana and her boyfriend out and give them all a place to live. This was what Deana spent 37 weeks trying to arrange, it was what she needed to parent. She could no longer go through with the adoption.
Understandably, the Adoptive family was devastated. They had to return home empty handed. Jasmine saw Deana a couple weeks later, and the love and relief she had to have baby girl with her was overwhelmingly evident. She asked about the Adoptive Family, and felt horrible, but she couldn’t go through with the adoption when things were looking up. Jasmine wished her well and reminded her to call and stay in touch.
When baby girl was about 2 months old, Deana called Jasmine again. She explained that nothing was working out how she’d hoped. This wasn’t the life she envisioned for her daughter, and not what she wanted. She said she tried to make it work, but it wasn’t and she wanted baby girl safe. The only way she could go through with the adoption was if the original Adoptive Family still wanted to raise her. They of course said yes.
Deana signed paperwork the following day, and the Adoptive Family traveled to meet Deana. They called, text and FaceTimed with Deana during their drive, assuring her that they were on their way and couldn’t wait. Deana made sure they knew her favorite blanket, her likes and dislikes, and her routine. She also gave the Adoptive Family an entire trunk load of baby supplies, clothes and gifts she had gotten for baby girl.
You may ask why Deana had to choose this route to adoption, and put a family through such an emotional roller-coaster.
CFS looked at Deana and her situation objectively, we heard what Deana wanted for her child. We could see the love, pain and heartache in Deana’s eyes. We understood the “Why?”
In order to not regret her choice of adoption, Deana had to try to parent. She had to try to make it work. She had to be able to say she did everything she could to raise and parent her daughter. However, she also had to know who to call and where to turn to when it didn’t go according to her plan. Deana called CFS to receive the guidance she needed to complete her adoption plan. She had to have met the Adoptive Family she originally chose. She had to have seen the love and care they showed to baby girl. She had to know who her parents would be. The Adoptive Family will be able to tell their daughter that her birth mother loved her and tried as hard as she could to raise her, but just wasn’t able to.
Back at the hospital, Deana, the Adoptive Family, nor CFS knew how everything would play out. Yet God knew. He had a plan none of us could see. I can’t help but think of my favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you…”
God knew exactly what Deana needed, during and after her unplanned pregnancy. He knew the exact plans for her, for baby girl and for the Adoptive Family. And hopefully, more people now know just how hard the choice of adoption is for expectant moms as they consider adoption for their child.
*Names changed for privacy*
Are you facing an unplanned pregnancy and wondering what you’re going to do? We are ready to answer your call or text to discuss judgment free options with you. Call or text 24/7 to speak to a case worker.
Contacting and/or meeting with CFS does NOT, in any way, make you committed to working with us or creating an Adoption Plan.
Call or Text: 352-378-6202