Do you know what the Adoption Triad is? It’s the people who make adoption possible! Of course there’s the child, and the adoptive parents, and the biological mom. Right? Not quite.
It actually consists of the child, adoptive parents, and the birth parents.
When it comes to adoption, most people don’t think much about the bio dad. The biggest thoughts typically given to them is along the lines of: “Did he just leave her? He doesn’t care about the baby. Is he going to make the adoption harder? He just wants to control her. He’s probably dangerous, on drugs, without a job…” You get the picture.
Sure, sometimes that’s true. But it’s not fair to paint all birth fathers with the same brush. There are some AWESOME birth dads we have worked with through the years! And they deserve to be recognized for the same brave, loving and selfless decision they were a part of making.
While we admit it’s rare we get to work with bio dads at all, and even more rare to work with birth mom and dad as a couple, it DOES happen. And we love ministering to them just as much as we do to mom. We are grateful to comfort them and help them through the grieving process. To be an open ear to confide in and express their emotions. We’re grateful to all the supportive dads out there. They are so incredibly special.
It’s also not fair to the couple who is considering adoption, but thinks it’s only something single moms can do. To believe they are “less than” because their child would already have two parents if they raised them, even though they don’t feel ready, or don’t have the resources, or whatever their reasons are for considering adoption.
One such couple, Karen & Nathan, who recently had an adoption in Gainesville, reminded us of that. They were so in love with one another and their child. While dad could have left mom to deal with it all on her own, he didn’t. Nathan stepped up.
He came to every meeting; met the adoptive family; stood beside her and held her hand during HOURS of labor; slept on an uncomfortable recliner with his mask on in her hospital room; stood beside her when she asked to see the baby, even though he was scared to see him; signed adoption consents with her; and continues to care for & comfort her.
Nathan did all of this without hesitation. Even though he thought it would be easier not to see his son. Even though he thought it would be easier to not meet the adoptive family. Even though it made the entire adoption process harder on him. He did it for her. He did it for their son.
And he isn’t the only loving birth father out there. Read what this other dad from an adoption in Tallahassee had to say:
“I have got your pictures. I see you are having fun, that’s good to see. I can’t wait to see you in person one day. I will tell you about your heritage, so you [will] know where your blood line comes from. I look at your pictures everyday and I see you look just like me when I was a kid. I had so much energy just like you and I still do…So you be good ok and to your family too, and I will always love you. From Your Dad”
Another dad wrote to his son’s adoptive family:
“First of all, thank you for accepting my son in your life and home. I am glad that he is alright and that he is in good hands and I am glad to see him happy too. I love those photos that you sent to me, that made me so happy to hear from you all. He looks so much like me, we can go for twins… But anyways, I am glad that he is doing good and thank you again. Well tell him that I love him very much. May God bless you and your family.”